Clearly unclear

Here I am, nose to the computer screen, coffee at hand, merrily scooting along and then…screech!

My last post, titled ‘$3.33’ and available just below this one, was a dud apparently.  At least according to my boyfriend who wanted to know where he could buy the $3.33 necklace. ‘Geez,’ he said, ‘I didn’t know you were going to be offering such inexpensive jewelry!’

That’s a lie. What he really said was, ‘Wow! Can I buy a coupla those cheap necklaces? And do I have to pay the five bucks for shipping?’

We may be able to discount his comments because he’s not a shopper. Or an informed purchaser of jewelry apparently. Jewelry that someone ‘significant’ would want to be given, that is.  (He may not be a boyfriend much longer either. Sorry, darling. Call me.)

I was more than ready to write off his comments. Especially when he seemed incapable of understanding my point: that with $100, one chain and an assortment of 30 marbles you can really have 30 entirely different necklaces. Hence the $3.33 number.

However, then my mother called. From Texas. (Why I should place such emphasis on that I’m not so sure. Except that Texas feels like Mars to me. Although Mars is closer than Texas and cheaper to get to.) So, my mom calls and wants to know how I can be doing so well at frenzzee.com that I am able to offer everyone who buys a necklace both a latté and a bagel from Panera.

What?

My own mother didn’t understand my post?

‘Well, I did just read it very, very quickly,’ she hemmed. ‘I’m sure everyone else understood it.’ (By ‘everyone’ I think she meant the five of you out there. Hi, Boo! Hey, Neeena! George — do your homework!)

I began to panic, wondering how many dozens and dozens of people had been led astray by my trying-too-hard-to-be-cute post. Then I realized that there are only five of you. Okay, Jeff, sorry — six.

I wanted to cut my mother’s phone call short so I could rush to my site and see what had imploded. Not before she got the last word in though. ‘So,’ she said, ‘you’ll be offering the $3.33 necklaces next week?’

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